What a night... Peacker woke up feeling as if he had just been trampled by a herd of rabid bears. Do rabid bear's even travel in Herds he thought? ...who knows.
Opening his eyes Peacker saw something bad. You know when you wake up after a night out on the town and you see a chick next to you. Well imagine that this chick is clutching your 'party time' underwear against her body and that she was...well... as Peacker would put it... really fat! Not only was she fat she also happened to be the princess of the Tundra penguins!
Peacker felt disappointed... walking over to the mirror he looked at himself. Damn he though... I'm one fine Penguin! Yet he was letting his standards slip.
Just as Peacker thought things couldn't get any worse he coincidentally noticed a giant fish wedged tantalisingly down his pants... although this was usual behaviour for Peacker... usually the fish was not so comfortable. With this fish down his pants Peacker felt empowered... he felt like a real man!
You see the Tundra penguin royal family held in its possession the Golden Fish... a high level Legendary item which although it looked like a fish was actually an almighty weapon. The fish itself is disguised to look exactly like a normal fish as to not look suspicious among penguins. The term 'Golden' comes from the fact that it is worth more gold than the Bank of Ironforge would likely ever see... never could anyone even begin to comprehend such a legendary item being used in such ways as Peacker was currently employing!
Peacker finished what he was doing and decided he needed to talk to someone fast and so headed to the Inn at Valiance Keep where he met up with his good friend, a gnome rogue by the name of Porps. Although Porp's wished he didn't have to listen to a gibbering wreck of a Penguin, he found the offer of unlimited free alcoholic too good to resist and experience had taught him that chicks totally dig guys with pet penguins. The penguin was saying something about the Golden Fish and so Porps felt obliged to earn his keep... after all there was a cute blonde in the corner and he figured being intellectual and caring towards the penguin should would win her over for sure.
Having studied a Master's degree in the history of Northrend, Porps knew that Peacker was a Tundra penguin and that he was therefore referring to the Legendary Fish of Kalu which was later renamed to the Golden Fish by the movie industry who wanted to glamorise the mythical item. Porps explained that the Golden Fish would among other things grant its owner three wishes, no matter how big...
It was at this point that Peacker fell off his chair...
As conversation progressed Peacker explained that he had accidentally acquired the Golden fish and that he didn't know what to do. Porps maintained that the Golden Fish was guarded by 100+ level death immortal warrior penguins and maintained that Peacker should see a psychiatrist as the Golden Fish was unobtainable by even the most highly skilled of warriors! The Litch King once tried and got his ass kicked so badly that even mentioning the Golden Fish in his presence will cause him to separated your head from the rest of your body.
Peacker had always admired Props. Whenever the two were short on gold, Porps would simply stealth up and pick pocket the Inn keeper. Peacker liked idea of free drinks.... but even more he liked the idea of the ladies changing room.
Deciding to prove Porps wrong and convinced that he was an over-powered warrior of god like proportions, Peacker took a heroic stance in the middle of the inn, screamed something about Fate and wished that he was a Gnome rogue similar to Porps but with more Epical gear.
*POOF*
Porps fell off his chair.
Peacker had done it... he was a Gnome! Porps pointed out that Peacker could have wished for legendary gear but Peacker pretended to ignore him. Hungry for more and a
little under the influence... Peacker wished for a thousand loyal female slaves!
A message popped up "Ready Check: Are you sure?". Being completely smashed after 20 Jugs of Bourbon, Peacker could think of nothing better and so of course clicked YES YES
YES!
*POOF!*
*The fish vanished*
Porps pointed out that this meant Peacker had used three wishes and had tried to use a forth. Legend said that if a user attempted to make a fourth wish, then their greed would be punished in the form of the weapon being destroyed for eternity. The user was meant to hand over the fish after their third wish to a new master...
Peacker's weird behaviour had scared off the cute blonde and he had just managed to destroy the worlds most legendary weapon instead of giving it to Porps. Given the above Porps decided that he needed something to cheer him up and so after finishing his whisky, Porps casually drew his dagger and attempted to kill Peacker...
As Peacker was now a Gnome the authorities had no record of his previous drunk and disorderly offences and thus he was released with a verbal warning. Porps however was well known and so he was once again sent to the stockades for attacking bar patrons. Peacker had laughed at Porps as he was being dragged away but Porps got the last laugh by waving Peacker's wallet in the air just before fading from view.
Stealthing back to his island just south of Valiance keep to collect his belongings Peacker suddenly realised what had happened. His island was covered in empty beer bottles and packed full of hot and available drunk female penguins....
Apparently when Peacker shoved the fish down his pants and wished for the sky to rain alcohol and hot chicks his dreams had come true at the expense of two wishes.... DAMN IT!
As a Gnome the penguin females didn't recognise Peacker and fled at his presence...
DAMN IT!
The next day, Peacker was reading a Blizzard announcement board near Goldshire. There were two most wanted posters...one for the notorious Hogger and one for a Penguin which had been spotted sexually harassing a fish. There was also a notice stating that every player in the World of Warcraft would receive a Mr Chilly pet when upgrading their WoW account to a battle.net account! Awesome though Peacker, chicks totally dig pet penguins!
Much to Peacker's surprise... when his Mr Chilly arrived it was with a dagger to his throat. Apparently as his Mr Chilly was explaining... the Tundra penguin royal family was working with Blizzard to spread penguin informants across the World of Warcraft in order to find and retrieve the Golden Fish. Each informant was a highly trained immortal warrior penguin... one of the many initially tasked with guarding the Golden Fish only downsized to look like a critter. Each immortal warrior critter of course held the ability to track any individual surrounded by the magic effects of the legendary weapon.
At this point Peacker thanked his lucky stars that his particular immortal warrior penguin was a fan of theatrics... you see Peacker had just used vanish when escaping from the Innkeepers wife's room at Goldshire and he was waiting on a few cool downs... what is it with people holding dagger's to his throat today? First Porps, then the Inn keeper and now a sodding Mr Chilly!
The time was right and so Peacker blinded the penguin informant! Thankfully as it was a Mr and not a Mrs Chilly Peacker was able to use a well placed kick to silence his assailant before executing a now well known Peacker classic... the vanish and sprint combo.
It was obvious that the Tundra penguin royal family would never cease their search for the Golden Fish (after all, what kind of idiot would be stupid enough to destroy it). Therefore Peacker had no choice but to flee... he headed to Booty Bay and signed up with a local pirate crew as recommended by his
good friend "Pretty Boy" Duncan...
Much to Peacker's horror, shortly upon departure it was explained to him that the pirate ship intended to pillage and plunder the island of the Tundra penguins! Knowing the penguins would now be defenceless without their legendary weapon and immortal penguin guardians; Peacker headed down to the deepest fathoms of the ship and wishing this time only to save his family, he closed his eyes and lit the a barrel of gunpowder...
...To be continued.
WoW Stories 2: Peacker the Penguin Power!
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